How did you know you were an Empath?
I can’t remember exactly when I first learned the term “Empath” but as soon as I heard it, I just knew and I could feel that this was a word that described my experience.
From the time I was 14 on, I loved seeking out intuitive guidance and because my Empathic gifts were always my strongest, it was an easy one to own and learn about.
Fast forward to today and I'm an advocate for vulnerability in human connection and feel strongly about the role of story telling in normalizing the human experience and creating change - so I thought I'd get personal and share my story in hopes it might help you better understand your experience, and further how empaths and those sensitive to energy are understood by society.
Even though I recognized the label early on it took me many years of discovering how this showed up in my life and how I was going to function as I fumbled my way through walking this path of discovery.
In the words of Soren Kierkegaard “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards”
So as we journey, we learn, then we look back on where we’ve been and how far we’ve come, and we re-see and relearn even more things about ourselves.
Here are some standout moments from my story:
Maybe you've experienced some of the same?
As a child I LOVED animals. Any and ALL animals (still do!) or baby anything….humans, animals, trees, I remember them making more sense to me than the rest of everything else. I much preferred hanging around animals compared to people and I would bring home every bird, salamander, bunny, bug or critter I could get my hands on.
You could hardly keep shoes on me as I loved to be barefoot as I’d play outside in the dirt or the grass.
I was sensory about everything….jeans felt too restrictive so I’d only wear stretchy pants I could bend in and would have to explore many strange bendy child poses in the clothing store change rooms before deciding on the perfect pair (much to my Mother’s dismay) to make sure they were “just right”
I was also the kid who loved to talk, share my ideas or my brightness with endless curiosity and questions galore.
Through elementary school I began having strange dreams and would often feel the sensation like I was being watched. I could sense things around me but there was never anything I saw, that I could remember. I would get out of bed at night and set my blankets up in the hallway of our old house where there were no windows or doors so I felt like I could sleep.
Years later after enquiring about memories with my sister, she told me that when I was little, I used to see spirits or things, I apparently told her about the ghosts I saw all the time but her and my Mom just figured they were my imaginary friends and didn’t speak about it again.
I cared for everyone at school and would often feel deeply if kids were left out or not included in groups so would do my best to connect or send energy to ones I felt could use a hug.
That’s when I remember people began referring to me as an “Old Soul”
Through junior high and into highschool my senses went into overdrive. I used to experience so much anxiety at school or any public place with lots of people that I’d sweat, overheat, my mind would race and if I wasn’t able to find my footing, I’d end up in a full blown panic attack with the threat of puking or passing out. Energetic overwhelm is a very real thing and there ARE tools to help!!
That’s when my Mom reccomended she take me to a friend of hers who specializes in healing through hypnosis. Life changing!! Highly reccommend to anyone needing support in that way!
That was the first time I learned that I was in control and I could turn the dial on my sensitivities DOWN as they were much much to fine tuned for happily existing in the day to day human experience.
So for a few years I checked out, turned them off (or spent alot of time dissociated, I’d just leave my body - when it all became too much!)
After I graduated I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew it was with horses and I couldn’t get away from people fast enough. I hung out with horses from the time I was 8 years old, and they are the only reason I made it through school in the first place. I was always looking forward to working alongside them as they brought me a peace I couldn’t find anywhere else in my life. There was no Plan B….it was just horses. And still is today. They are my closest soul bonds on the planet.
I contribute pretty much everything I have learned about energy, the unseen and my empathic gifts to my equine teachers. Horses are essentially Empaths without our human conditioning to tell them what isn’t allowed or acceptable, which is why they are such powerful mirrors for us in being able to see ourselves. The see us and respond to our insides, even if our outsides don’t match. Does that fact also resonate for any of you Empaths??
Then for the next 14 years ( 17 to 31) I channeled my energy into workaholism (which was in the world of horses and also considered the norm and celebrated) I was literally moving my body at the speed of light which eventually took it’s toll though adrenal fatigue, burnout, muscle sprains and strains, broken bones and a punctured lung which eventually landed me in the first deep depression of my life.
I found my way to many psychics, energy healers, and animal communicators over the years while I kept my focus narrow. Even though I was always a skeptic, I could also feel a deep resonance like these were people I could relate to and get on board with.
I loved self development workshops, crystals, essential oils, oracle cards and tea leaf readers.
Looking back there were a few pivot points I chose to ignore, and it was usually the horses inflicting injury or setback in an effort to get my attention in only the way they could.
My big wake up call came 2 years ago after a series of tragic events….unexpectedly loosing Anaya my heart horse, a mare in foal with my dream filly in December 2018, then my Uncle Barry passed away from Cancer partnered with an unforseen circumstance at the hospital in March 2019.
It was shortly after those experiences that I was out in the barn cleaning Baygo’s stall, a 30 year old Bay gelding who has been our farm patriarch that I received a message from my mare Anaya.
She said “Don’t let my passing go unnoticed” (the stall she used to live in and where I found her dead was just 2 doors down from where I was standing)
An intuitive friend had shared with me prior that Anaya left this world in an effort to make space for me both physically, mentally, and emotionally and I knew in that moment standing with Baygo, that my life was about to make a major change.
That change and evolution has brought me here, to this day.
It required alot of unlearning and learning around boundaries, preventing energetic overload, saying no to others and yes to myself, cleansing and protecting my energy as well as a year or two of keeping myself in as much solitude as possible so I could truly learn what my own energy felt like after spending most of my life feeling everyone else’s.
Now I have never felt more like myself, I understand my gifts and how to best use them to be in service to others. I can now influence a room instead of being consumed and taken over by it and now I am LOVING living this life in the full expression as me in my aligned truth outloud as an Empath!
Empath, like any label, is socially constructed and we have the power to determine how it is known and respected in society. While there are some agreed upon aspects of the current definition...
typically introverted (but doesn’t have to be!)
an instinct to put others before oneself
strong willed about social justice and social change
deep concern for animals, plants, the planet
openmindedness
interest in the metaphysical/spiritual understanding of the world
artistic, creative problem solvers
strong psychic intuition (clairvoyance, clairaudience, etc.)
... where it goes from here depends on us; how sensitive people are viewed and understood, depends on whether or not we step into our power or avoid it.
If you've experienced similar things, like a need to be there for other people, animals and/or the planet, déjà vu and reoccurring dreams, an interest in the metaphysical, a strong knowing of a life purpose, overwhelming mental health challenges, and/or abilities like clairvoyance - and think you might be an empath, OWN it. Make it yours and share it with the people you love. A lot of time empaths have a hard time accepting themselves as an empath because they worry how it will make other people feel. There is also a strong stigma associated with 'being an empath' - because of the victim mentality in most of the empath circles. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with being sensitive - and when you begin to understand that, and own who you are, you make it easier for other people to find you and learn from your experience!
And at the end of the day - that's what we are here for. To connect and share what we've learned.
Much Love xo
Shawna
